Dark Thought

THIS STORY IS TAKEN FROM MY THESIS ‘HOMECOMING.’ IT MAY NOT BE USED BY ANY PUBLICATION OR INDIVIDUAL WITHOUT MY CONSENT. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL LEAD TO LEGAL ACTION BEING TAKEN.

 

I closed my eyes and remembered: a dark night with a skinny guy who was strong and aggressive, suffocating me. His whole arm was across my chest and his other hand dragged my short denim skirt up to my waist. My heart was in my mouth. I couldn’t kick him I was trying to keep my legs closed. He held me up against the wall and I didn’t scream. I couldn’t believe what was happening. What was Sipho doing? Panic blazed in my chest. “I told you that I don’t want to have sex.” My soft voice whispered. “Wena uyisifebe sami.”

I felt ugly every time he called me that but I didn’t know how to tell him. He called me that every time we had sex. It made me feel like a dirty fuck. It wasn’t sex, I didn’t want it. It was scary and I couldn’t breathe. I shifted my body to get a bit of air. We were outside in the garden but no neighbours could see: no one to save me. I tried to push him off me but my ‘No’ kept turning him on. His breath was heavy and fast. He smelt like soap. He pulled down his tracksuit pants and pried my legs apart. I hit the back of my head against the wall. He was stronger than me. I made it easier: I wasn’t wearing panties when he ripped inside of me. He ‘won.’ Breathlessly he thrust into me, his locs hit my face. My arms limp at my sides as I looked over his shoulder into the dark garden, his arm still across my chest. We were outside. I should have screamed. During that ‘round,’ I didn’t fight him off. He was too heavy. My eyes couldn’t meet his.

 

When he was done he backed off to attend to his weapon. He didn’t wear a condom. My heart sank. I pulled my skirt as far down as it could. I walked inside the house with a straight back and my nose turned up. I sat on the couch and watched TV like nothing had happened. When he walked in he tied his locs into a ponytail and went to the bathroom. My mind was confused. My eyes watched the screen but my mind was confused. I wasn’t sure what had just happened? Was that just rough sex? Why didn’t I fight harder? Why didn’t I scream? I was so relieved when I heard laughing voices entering the house, Sipho’s friend were back and he reappeared.

Wayne and the others had gone out to get a few things from the shop. They did not know what had happened. We were all going to a birthday party that night but Sipho turned to me and told he had decided to change the plans and take me home early. HE had decided? HE had decided yet again what I wanted. I remained silent and fetched my bag. We all walked out the house, his friends still laughing and talking loudly. They discussed which car to use. I walked alone behind Sipho towards his car breathing sparks with every step I took. When we both got near his car, I blew with all my might. I thundered at Sipho and screamed with my fists. I kept punching his face, his stomach, anywhere I could. I had never even been in a fight before, he covered his face with the same arms he used on me. I thought I heard shouting, I kept punching. Next thing I was lifted off the ground, arms were around my stomach. Wayne pulled me off Sipho, but I was still trying to grab at him. It took three of them to stand in front of me, to keep me in my corner, they kept telling me to calm down. Three men blocked me and the others were around Sipho asking him if he was ok, every now and then they glared across at me. They all thought I was crazy, my mind screamed

“This motherfucker just raped me!”

 

I opened my eyes again. It is not something I like to think about.

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Open Letter to Afriforum

Open letter to Kallie Kriel,Ernest Roets and the rest of the klu Klux klan at Afriforum

 

We African people are watching as you throw dirt onto our ‘forgive and forget.’ It is sheer arrogance to be a minority settler group set on intimidating the majority of this land. Like many South Africans I was flabbergasted to hear that you are charging people for hate speech and incitement. The irony: your organisation represents exactly that, in this country. You’re an irritating boil oozing puss and refusing to heal.

The white male has done enough damage on this continent. It is enough. In other African countries the settlers were kindly and happily escorted out the country, you on the other hand have refused to leave.

When you have behaved badly in a home, the people of that home are most likely to be eager for you to leave their home. Do you have any idea how crazy it is dealing with an unwelcome visitor who complains about everything but will not leave?

Look at the history of this country. White people have left a bitter taste in Africans mouths. We are fresh from an Apartheid past, so of course black people are still angry. Did you expect all the feelings that come with oppression to just evaporate into thin air?

You have no right to tell black people how to deal with the trauma inflicted by you and your people, no right whatsoever. And in fact you imposing yourself like this, is highly provocative.

 

The best way to deal with emotions is to express it.

What you call ‘Hate Speech’ is an expression of black pain caused directly as a result of your being here on this land. White domination in South Africa has had a very traumatic impact on black people. How dare you try stop our healing process. The pain that white people have caused on Africans must and will be expressed until we feel it is enough.

How and when we decide to deal with the emotions is NOT your decision to make.

 

I think what is also disturbing for me is how quickly you are using apartheid style tactics of intimidation to silence black people. Your organisation is a threat to peace in this country.

I too am an African nationalist and understand when a group is standing up for the preservation of a culture, however that is not what you are doing. You want African born Dutch descendants to dominate and be the superior race in South Africa.

 

It truly is ironic when you speak of hate crimes. It is so easy to find documentaries on the internet on how you are training your youth to hate Africans and go as far as teaching your offspring how to kill us. This organisation is a ticking time bomb for South Africa for it seeks to enforce white privilege at quite a volatile time in our politics. Africans are by nature a peaceful and loving people, but history has taught us that when African get angry…..the situation becomes ungovernable.

 

Stop intimidating the people of this land. We have fought long and hard for peace in this land. People died for this. Stop disrespecting Africans and take responsibility for the trauma you have inflicted. Give Africans space and time to heal. And shut up…..you’re blessed to be here and you know it.

Don’t push us.

 

 

#SocialMediaShutdown WE SURVIVED!!!

#DataMustFall

If John has a shop and you buy bread from him at R20 five times a week…he is getting R100 from you every week.

 

If you do not buy for one day, he earns R80 rand from you (loses 20)

If two of you do this then instead of making R200, he is only getting R160 (loss 40)

If three of you do this then instead of making R300, he is making R240 (loss 60)

If four of you do this then instead of making R400, he is makingR320 (loss 80)

 

Do you now see that the more people join this campaign the more cellular networks will lose revenue? At some point they will have to budge. They rely on the naysayers to safeguard them from exploiting us. They need you to believe that this will never work. But this is simple maths guys. Capitalists work with numbers….there is at least eighty million cellular phone subscribers in South Africa. WE are those eighty million.

 

Please continue to spread the word on the #DataMustFall protest. This is truly a strategy that requires numbers. You have nothing to lose, just one day in the week. Wednesdays to be specific.

Until data prices fall we will be having 24hour shut downs where we will switch off data and not buy data.

 

These cellular networks are exploiting us and have us at ransom. Please lodge your complaints to the competition commission of SA http://www.compcom.co.za/complaints/ as this is not ethical business practice. We cannot have the second highest data costs in the world with our high unemployment rate.

These high data prices are a violation to the right to access to information. In this Information Age it is crippling our nation not having access to the internet.

They also create barriers into industries as entrepreneurs have to carry this obscene cost of data. Students can’t access their schoolwork. This madness has to stop.

 

This movement is a peoples movement, it is nobody else’s responsibility to fight this battle…please do what you can. If you have legal information or ways forward, lead. This is an opportunity for us ALL to use our power.

 

Big UP to all South Africans who were dedicated to the data struggle yesterday…we survived the #SocialMediaShutDown…..next week Wednesday we make it even bigger.

 

Tell everybody you know….the revolution is HERE!!!!

#DataWillFall #ShutdownWednesdays

GUPTA VS WCM

 

I want to tell you exactly why you are wasting my time when you focus solely on the Guptas with regards to the economy:

 

“R100 is stolen from me by two thieves John and Ahmed. John takes R80 and Ahmed takes R20….the last thing I’m going to do is help John chase Ahmed for my R20. John and Ahmed must both bring back my money or I must take it back. – Ntsiki Mazwai”

 

We were hoodwinked in CODESA guys. Owing to the fact that we follow a western justice system, they sat us down and played by their own rules and retained one of the most important assets to this country, the economy. And white people do that often.

Bayafika

Basikhumshele

Sibathembe

Basitshontshele.

 

They sat us down in that CODESA and sold us lies knowing FULL well what the assets and liabilities of this country were. They built the system so they fully understand its strengths and weakness’. They picked the right black faces to lead us. They taught those black faces how to run that system which essentially enriched white people and turned the black working class into slaves.

The ANC did not get into government and change laws and policies. It replaced the NP government, it is running the exact same system. ANC is essentially employed by white capital. This system we inherited has been running for centuries. The current government is there to secure overseas investors and make white people feel safe about their money.

 

For us people on the ground when we speak of the economy it is assumed we are only talking about the price of bread and milk and how this will affect us. Infact we are now talking about the collective monies made at JSE. We are talking about the private sector which is making trillions off the working class. We are talking about the fact that there are no fixed employment rules so white employers have for centuries been paying what they ‘feel’ like paying. Which is how a Pick n Pay teller can go home with R4 000 and management can get X10 of that if not more. How do they come to this conclusion that they deserve so much more than the people who actually do the work on the ground? You’re going to throw education at me, this education that we can ONLY get from the white man… at a fee. Kudlaliwe ngathi yazi. There are also MANY uneducated white people in high level management positions.

 

So essentially at CODESA we were given the political vote, (whatever that is) but not given the economy…the fruits of our land.

ANC failed to reverse economic trade policies that benefited foreigners over the indigenous people of this land. Our economy is a big cow on the ground being eaten by white people and ANC has been given a leg to eat and share amongst themselves. Now the ANC have brought in their Indian friends the Guptas to the kill and their Indian friends are not as submissive as them when it comes to eating and confronting whites. The Indians are not as scared of whites as the blacks are. Infact the Guptas are also only just using the blacks as their ticket in. The Indian family is not here to free the economy, they are here to eat and they are unapologetic about it.

 

What we have is a situation where the ANC and the Guptas are now starting to eat into the stomach of the fallen cow South Africa and it is upsetting white people as they feel that the cow is theirs.

White people in South Africa run the media and thus the narrative. They have used every media possible to make a noise about the Guptas and no noise about the remaining three legs , the torso and head of the cow which they continue to eat from. Essentially whites don t want to share the money they make by using us as sophisticated slaves. They can see the Guptas coming in and changing the ‘NP System’ and the real fear is that they are getting excluded from the economy. That is why they need us black people to fight this Gupta battle for them.

 

I was looking at a list 10 richest men in south Africa…..it is inundated in whiteness. THAT is who the enemy is.

 

Personally, I think the ANC, Guptas and White Capitalists should ALL be charged and sent to jail where they all belong.

Dear White Friend

It is important for me to write you this letter so that you and I can relate better. You are a wonderful person and I truly enjoy our engagement. There are so many issues that we relate on and our conversations are filled with much laughter. There is however one serious problem with our relationship- it is when you apologise for racism.

My friend you have a lot of unlearning to do, you and me both. You are going to have to get off your pedestal called white supremacy and learn how to be empathetic. You are also going to have to learn how to LISTEN.

You and I have very different experiences of life here in South Africa: you have grown accustomed to having your ass licked by Africans, something I will never know. I need you to understand that black people do not humble themselves to you because you are a ‘nice’ person, they have been terrorized into behaving in that manner. So where you step into a world where everyone must grovel at your feet I as a black person experience the exact opposite of that from your people.

I can and I will go to a rugby game with you but do not insult me by pretending you do not feel the ‘vibe’ from your people. I understand that you have been socially engineered to think you are superior to me, please don’t pretend that shit doesn’t exist? Respect me enough to call a spade a spade and racism is racism.

This thing of yours where you create scenarios and stories for why a white person treated a black person like shit is very offensive. Stop feeding us both your fairytales and call racism by it’s name. And have the guts to call your fellow whites out.

I am not here as your token black friend, to soothe your ego and make you feel like you are not racist. You have been brought up to be racist, stop pretending and start unlearning. It is VERY possible to have black friends and still be racist, just as it is possible to adopt black children and still be racist.

You have never taken the time to learn African etiquette and quite frankly many times I have had to take a very deep breath when you say some of the things you say. Thing is, you have westernised me so much that I know how to speak in an appropriate way in your manner. You on the other hand can say such offensive and ungrateful things. Ungrateful yes, like your white paranoia about how black people are murdering you in genocide and other tales you white people concoct on Whatsapp. You really say some really bizarre things about my people and many times I keep quiet to keep the peace, but seriously my friend, you have some unlearning to do. There is no longer any peace to keep, we have reached a point where you need to make some changes.

My friend you are not much different from the other whites, you have all gone through the same brainwash. You think racism is happening somewhere outside and yet here I am facing it in our relationship.

My friend, if you are really serious about having a black friend, you are going to have to allow a long process where I teach you how to treat me. Your ways are not the same as mine. What may seem rational to you may be appalling to me. For this relationship to work we are going to need more than just your point of view. Especially since the oppressor can’t speak for the oppressed- you cannot speak on behalf of something you have never been through. Doing so is an act of arrogance.

 

My friend…when you make excuses for racist white people, I am left thinking that I am friends with an undercover racist, the worst kind of racist.

uNomvula ubeja ngeTaxes zethu?

ANC NYOLS

Kahle kahle Anc has nyols. What an absolute disaster of a once powerful struggle movement. ANC is the longest running African political party in SA so it is quite disappointing that it has become what it has become…..rubbish.

A question for ANC members: At which point do you hold your leaders accountable? For the past 22 years all we have seen is ANC leaders being corrupt and getting away with it.

We have no example of an ANC leader being held accountable. The only time ANC has ever punished anyone, was when ANC shot itself in the foot by recalling Thabo Mbeki. You all are such a greedy and power hungry lot you couldn’t even let him finish his term. Well since that spectacular move, ANC has been a huge disaster area. What has become apparent is that you have no vision or plan for SA, you are just rotating positions around so some of your dodgy leaders can live in big houses.

 

ANC…..you have been an embarrassment. Let us address the new scandal, you have so many scandals I should be more specific. The minister of water affairs, Nomvula Mokonyane the only affairs of hers we know is her love affairs and how she uses her position to buy toys for her boy. The toy in question is Mabala Noise. There has been much speculation on how this new music label was formed. It is a problem if the minister has funded her man with public funds to create a record label. Public funds are not pocket money for toy boys. I as a South African citizen need to be put to ease by the Minister coming out to defend these claims. And if these claims are true…she must be fired. We need to know how Mabala noise was funded and Shout Out to all the artists who are now potentially guilty of stealing public funds.

We cannot afford to have leaders who bring their bedroom to leadership positions. It is tacky and low class and does not make our country look good. This lady must stop using our money to keep a man.

 

If Minister Mokonyane’s boyfriend has been benefitting from corrupt deals, this matter must be addressed immediately.

ANC does not know how to call its leaders to order which is why we currently have a president that nobody wants. They will argue that we voted for ANC and thus for him, but we all know full well that Africans are suffering from the trauma of not wanting to be lead by whites and ANC is riding that fact. Too bad their attempts at leadership are nothing short of a tragic comedy.

Minister Mbalula even dropped porn on his twitter account and life went on as usual.

 

I will never support the SaveSA movement because it is just a white supremacy movement aiming to discredit black governance. These white capital monopolists are just angry because they can see we are about to take our economy back. No amount of distraction from Save SA will take away from the fact that they are living off stolen goods and stolen land. If Save SA is so serious about saving SA, why don’t they raise funds for Fees Must Fall amongst themselves since they run the economy? Instead they are out here acting self righteous when they are not different from the ANC….CORRUPT.

 

Can the ANC stop being such an embarrassment of government. You have fallen from grace and are a shadow of what you used to be. You have allowed rotten apples to take over the movement and they have contaminated your whole legacy. When are you going to get your act together and be what you claimed to be?   You claim to be a liberation movement but all you have proven is that, you are a bunch of self serving people with no vision just a great desire to be in power and to serve yourselves

We simply cannot have leaders who are blessing their toyboys with our taxes. sies man.

Press Release: PEOPLE

Immediate Release

19 January 2017

Music Release

Single

 

QUEEN OF THE HOUSE

 

After taking a year off her career to pursue a Masters degree in the Arts at Rhodes University, Ntsiki Mazwai is back with what she is best known for: poetry on house music.

One of South Africa’s most prolific lyricists, Mazwai has captivated the nation with her words for over a decade. This time around she teams up with Klerksdorp deep house Dj AcaSoul MusiQ to produce the single ‘People.

Soulful house music with a touch of jazz and mixed with Mazwai’s caramel voice and this is bound to be another crowd pleaser.

People’ is a song I wrote as I was going through my journey of learning in life. I learnt that people do not always have pure intensions. In the song I express disappointment in some of the people I put my trust in. I think that this song is about learning how to choose your friends wisely.”- Mazwai

Listen—> https://soundcloud.com/urungamusic/acasoul-musiq-deepconsoul-feat-ntsiki-mazwai-people-promo

 

“People” is available online: iTunes: http://apple.co/2fE6pQm  Apple Music : http://apple.co/2fE6pQm                                 Spotify : http://spoti.fi/2g55mdc                                  Traxsource http://bit.ly/2giQ56e 

 

 

More of Ntsiki Mazwai                       www.ntsikimazwai.co.za

TWITTER: www.twitter.com/ntsikimazwai

SOUNDCLOUD: www.soundcloud.com/ntsikimazwai

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: www.youtube.com/ntsikimazwai

BLOG: www.wordpress.com/ntsikimazwai

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/za/album/ndingubani/id663474147

Poems: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpodaCD83H0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpodaCD83H0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxxF19IVOwo

 

BOOKINGS:                              ntsiki_mazwai@yahoo.com / missmazwai@gmail.com