I have been watching a growing trend of older, rich men using their power, to sleep with little girls…..and it’s disturbing.

BEE seems to have brought the sexual objectification of women to new heights.


I don’t know who to blame?

Do I blame young women who simply ‘like things!’ The ignorant, young girl, who thinks that dating a rich man, is actually a working strategy.

Little girls who have not considered that once ‘uncle’ has had enough, he Will move on and your lifestyle will be ‘downgraded.’

The young, ignorant girl that has confused being f*… for love.

The young, ignorant little girl who sells her body for airtime.


But I think my problem is with the creepy, old man who preys on women less intellectual and less experienced then him.

The insecure old man, that takes his power from little girls.

The insecure, old man, that can’t impress women his own age…..but can impress girls his daughter’s age.

I am grossed out by the insecure, old man, whom I cannot leave my daughters around.


There was a time, when older men, were older brothers and uncles whom we could trust.

There was a time, when older men represented protection and safety.

Now we live in a time, where, when you see an older man… you just want to cover up.


 When did our fathers start looking at us sexually?


When do we start calling sugar daddies by their actual name….paedophile?

Where do we draw the line?

Is there such a thing as an appropriate age gap?

Why is it making me feel so uncomfortable, to see men, in their 40’s and 50’s chasing after 20yr old girls?


I find it pitiful.

That’s like playing a game where you know you are stronger than your opponent.

It’s a cheap thrill.


If our elders are sleeping with us…..who is going to be the moral fibre of society?

If our grownups do not respect their sexuality, then it is them, who are teaching us how to abuse sex, rape and spread diseases.


If I am going to pick up the newspapers every week, and yet another, powerful, old man being blackmailed by a little girl, then it’s safe to assume that these rich men are engaging in this behaviour regularly…..and no sir, I don’t feel sorry for you.


I am trying to enter the mind of a paedophile.

I am trying to understand, if it’s a self esteem issue, that makes you want to impress kids? I am wondering if it’s a power issue, that makes you want to be the boss. Do you choose a weaker partner to feel more powerful? That suggests to me that you are insecure about yourself. Ziphi iintanga zakho?


I often wonder if these rich, older guys consider the fact that, they are paying for something most of us get for free.

Funny… basing our sexuality on money has actually cheapened it.


So basically,


Dear Older Man: call it tradition, culture or whatever you want to…..but I’ll tell you now, for free, I am uncomfortable with the way you are looking at my daughter.

Please stop.


Kind regards,

A mother!


Rules, Roles and Relationships

So much has changed. I am so much more than I thought I could be as a black woman. I make big decisions that affect my life. I am in charge of my income. I am in a position where I am running things.


However, I always find myself at this place with relationships.

There are all these predetermined roles and rules that I have to play into to ‘keep a man.’

Mind you, I don’t necessarily want to “keep” a man who doesn’t willingly want to “stay” either.


From early in the interaction, a man will want to know if I can cook. This always really worries me. There are days I want to cook, and there are also days where I don’t want to cook. Contrary to popular belief, not ALL women LOVE to cook.


It would be refreshing to live in a society where men also placed an emphasis on cooking, so that one gender doesn’t have to feel like its dealing with people who can’t feed themselves.


In this fast changing world, where women are now carrying the load of being providers- perhaps a time has come for men to consider the fact, that, they too ought to be more domesticated.

It’s difficult for me, as a woman, to be in a relationship where I’m contributing financially as well as domestically…..with a partner who only contributes financially.

Can we get rid of the roles and allow people in relationships, to negotiate terms that govern income and the household, according to each individual couple.


There is a man out there who loves to cook, who’s dishes I’ll be happy to wash…..please don’t make me feel like I’m less of a woman because of this? J


These rules and roles play themselves out in such silly ways. For instance, some women may not date a man without a car. Thing is though, we are not our things, a car should be a means for you to get where you want to be. Shouldn’t it be enough when one of you has a car? Yes, it would be nice if you were both mobile….but good heavens, are you going to write a person off based on a car? Even if the person is worth it?

There is no rule anywhere that says the man must have a car.


There’s also so much emphasis on women being mothers and not enough on men being fathers. The emotional side of being woman has been Done…..and the emotional side of being a man remains virtually untapped. Men still can’t even cry. They are holding back so many tears it shows itself in their violence toward women.


While women have been socialised to be nurturing beings, men have yearned for nurturing.

It makes absolutely no sense to keep these roles in place.


Can’t I just enter a relationship with an equal, a friend…..not as a servant?

Can’t I just a find a lover who is a partner?

Can’t I be with a man who is comfortable in his feminine side, as I am in my masculine side?

Can I be with a man who sees me as more than a woman….but as a human being?


I don’t want to be all these things that I’m supposed to be….

I just want to be me.