So much has changed. I am so much more than I thought I could be as a black woman. I make big decisions that affect my life. I am in charge of my income. I am in a position where I am running things.
However, I always find myself at this place with relationships.
There are all these predetermined roles and rules that I have to play into to ‘keep a man.’
Mind you, I don’t necessarily want to “keep” a man who doesn’t willingly want to “stay” either.
From early in the interaction, a man will want to know if I can cook. This always really worries me. There are days I want to cook, and there are also days where I don’t want to cook. Contrary to popular belief, not ALL women LOVE to cook.
It would be refreshing to live in a society where men also placed an emphasis on cooking, so that one gender doesn’t have to feel like its dealing with people who can’t feed themselves.
In this fast changing world, where women are now carrying the load of being providers- perhaps a time has come for men to consider the fact, that, they too ought to be more domesticated.
It’s difficult for me, as a woman, to be in a relationship where I’m contributing financially as well as domestically…..with a partner who only contributes financially.
Can we get rid of the roles and allow people in relationships, to negotiate terms that govern income and the household, according to each individual couple.
There is a man out there who loves to cook, who’s dishes I’ll be happy to wash…..please don’t make me feel like I’m less of a woman because of this? J
These rules and roles play themselves out in such silly ways. For instance, some women may not date a man without a car. Thing is though, we are not our things, a car should be a means for you to get where you want to be. Shouldn’t it be enough when one of you has a car? Yes, it would be nice if you were both mobile….but good heavens, are you going to write a person off based on a car? Even if the person is worth it?
There is no rule anywhere that says the man must have a car.
There’s also so much emphasis on women being mothers and not enough on men being fathers. The emotional side of being woman has been Done…..and the emotional side of being a man remains virtually untapped. Men still can’t even cry. They are holding back so many tears it shows itself in their violence toward women.
While women have been socialised to be nurturing beings, men have yearned for nurturing.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep these roles in place.
Can’t I just enter a relationship with an equal, a friend…..not as a servant?
Can’t I just a find a lover who is a partner?
Can’t I be with a man who is comfortable in his feminine side, as I am in my masculine side?
Can I be with a man who sees me as more than a woman….but as a human being?
I don’t want to be all these things that I’m supposed to be….
I just want to be me.