2 nights ago, I got the wrath of twitter. This was after I tweeted:
‘Absent fathers breed rapists.’
Somehow, (I don’t know how) but this statement was read as ‘All boys raised by single mothers are rapists.’
Are we so afraid of men, that when it’s time to address a male misbehaviour we find a way to twist it and make it about women?
Well then, let me break it down to you.
When fathers are absent…..who will teach boys how to be men?
This statement was not saying that all kids raised by women are rapists. This statement was saying, when fathers are not there, little boys will hurt and are more likely to go out and hurt other people.
The angry response on twitter showed me that a. A LOT of people were raised by single mothers b. A LOT of people are still hurting about their absent fathers.
This is definitely an issue that our society needs to address.
What are the emotional effects of ‘absent fathers?’
How do ‘absent fathers’ contribute to our social ills?
Men have never been made to take responsibility so I understand why this conversation is a little bit uncomfortable.
Men have been given room to impregnate and then ‘run away.’
Men have not been taught the importance and responsibilities of being a Father.
Bad baby-daddies get off too lightly in our society. Being a bad father is so normal, that we call baby-mamas ‘crazy’ when they need help.
We never consider the turmoil absent fathers create by not being there for their children.
A child needs both a mom and a dad. Being exposed to the male and feminine energy as a child equips you in a life, where you deal with both men and women. When either of these energies is missing, people tend to find ways to fill that ‘emptiness.’
Children who grow up feeling unloved become grown-ups with emotional issues. If you grow up feeling like your own father ‘ditched’ you…that can be quite painful and traumatic.
Men are not just born rapists….something happens to them.
Rape is an unnatural act of violence…..it is triggered by something- it does not just happen out of the blue.
Rape is a sickness, we have to look at the causes of that sickness.
The statement also did not mean that all rapists don’t have a father. However a part of me does feel like the father-son relationship needs to be studied and explored. It has been said that Rape is a crime about ‘power.’
In the patriarchal system we have been raised in, the father is the powerhouse.
The way in which we relate to our parents Does have an impact on who we are.
I don’t doubt women’s ability to raise good, strong men…..but I do feel like a dad has a Very important role to play too.
There are many tragedies that absent fathers have given rise to.
Many social ills that absent fathers have seeded….and RAPE is definitely one of them.
One of the things that Apartheid messed with was our family structures.
Our men went away to work and our sons didn’t have fathers to teach them how to be men.
We are the generation that must end that cycle.
We are the generation where our men come back home.