OWNING MY BODY….

Hi , my name is woman and patriarchy sexualised my body without my permission.

 

When did the nude feminine form start to represent sex? Have we become such a perverted nation that when we see the body, all we think about is sex? Or is this behaviour a sign that we have not come to terms to with our own sexuality. And why is our sexuality so shocking to us, when it’s just nature?

 

I am one of those women that is blessed/cursed with a ‘feminine’ body- I have a small waist and ample thighs. I have always been a ‘thick’/ big booty girl. As a result the world has always made sure I am ashamed of my body. The world has taught me to hide my beautiful body even though I was born naked. My creator created me naked, but the world says nudity is disgusting. I am REALLY confused here.

 

I realise that one doesn’t even have to be sexually suggestive to be considered cheap. So even a photoshoot where the concept is me ‘getting ready for a show’ and still in my undies……THAT too is considered porn.

So, when is it socially acceptable to embrace MY OWN body without being considered a whore? Is loving my body something I am supposed to do in the privacy of my own home? Is loving my body something I should hide?

 

Life is a journey and our bodies are evolving (getting old!) I’m now in my mid 30’s- my body is at its prime…..HELL YEAH I’m going to OWN this phase and FLAUNT it….in 20 years time, I may not be able to pull off stunts like these. Hahahahahahahahaha kahle nje

 

I personally don’t believe that being a slut has anything to do with nudity. Sometimes you wear hotpants because you are comfortable in them, and not because you are asking for sex.

There are all these rules associated with being a woman and ESPECIALY a ‘soul sista.’

 

Are we not yet at a place where we can view ourselves as art pieces? I want to be able to enjoy every curve of my body. I want the freedom for my body to have a place in society……a place which is not considered dirty.

 

I was called out by a friend on twitter 1 day when I asked y women r dressing ‘slutty.’ In hindsight, I was wrong. I was feeding into the same system that says that women can’t enjoy their bodies and more especially, their sexuality. The word slut is given to a woman who loves sex……what word do we have for men? Or is it only women who can be sluts?

 

Just because she loves sex, it does not make her any less of a queen. I think its problematic when you abuse your sexuality as I do believe that sex is sacred…..but no, I don’t think just because you are ‘naked’ then you are suggesting sex sista. I think women can wear whatever they want to wear….as long as they respect themselves.

 

I hear you when you say sex sells, but please don’t get it twisted………

Don’t assume I’m selling sex…..just because I’m comfortable in my own body……  

 

instead of boxing me, download my album and find out NDINGUBANI 🙂 ……https://itunes.apple.com/za/album/ndingubani/id663474147

 

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HURTING ME

HURTING ME

TR 8 – NDINGUBANI

 

These mixed signals

Confused riddles

Forgotten cuddles

But remember my muddles

These love hurdles

Seem to be constant battles

They’ve got me going crazy

Wondering if you still love me

Too tired to hug me

And yet to quick to call

When i decide to go

I wish you’d show me

That you’re mine

 

But right now….

You’re hurting me

You’re hurting me

Please stop hurting me

You’re hurting me

You’re hurting me

 

I keep looking to the sky

I need a solution

We need a resolution

These wars are polluting

And this pain is excruciating

Prolonging my suffering

Because all of this loving

Is making me too forgiving

Wondering if im abusing myself

For the fear of losing

Constantly bluesing

Terribly missing

You madly

 

You’re hurting me

You’re hurting me

You’re hurting me

You’re hurting me

Please stop hurting me

Please stop hurting me

Youre hurting me

Youre hurting me

 

Scared I stayed with you

A self doubting me

Denying

Pretending that you weren’t hurting me…..

 

LISTEN TO ‘HURTING ME’ ON https://soundcloud.com/ntsiki-mazwai/hurting-me AND DOWNLOAD ALBUM ON ITUNES

The Visitor

I have a visitor in my house

She came in quietly in the dead of the night

She came to my door

Carrying bags

When I opened the door

She looked me straight in the eye

And walked passed me,

inside my house

 

She doesn’t speak much

 

She unpacked her bags in my bedroom

and started to move things around

I asked her how long she would be staying?

She didn’t respond-

just looked up at me with a blank expression

I asked her if she wanted some water

She shook her head and continued

To move things without my permission

 

I tried to ignore her

 

I turned on the tv but there was nothing to watch

I turned on my radio- but nothing made me dance

 

I got into my car to leave

And she followed behind me

I didn’t really engage her,

besides she didn’t talk much

 

I went on about my days,

Everyday a new day

I never quite got used to her presence

She was there- but didn’t want disturbance

I too, found it too much effort to begin

Difficult conversations

 

We found our silent rhythm

Her being there

Me continuing to live my life

Sometimes she would make her presence felt

and move me to bitter tears

On other days, it was like

She wasn’t even there

 

One day she quietly looked at me

And then she whispered

 

‘You never asked me my name…’

 

I calmly looked back at her and said

‘I know you….your name is Heartbreak.’

 

listen to Love’s Overrated by Ntsiki and Nomisupasta https://soundcloud.com/ntsiki-mazwai/loves-overrated