A letter to my rapist

Dear Brickz

 

It has taken me many excruciatingly painful years to get to this point. I have been misdirecting my anger and unleashing my rage on the wrong people. I have been angry at radio stations for playing your music, angry at venues for booking you and angry at the media for sympathising with you. Unlike everybody else you being a rapist is not something I heard, it is something you did to me. Sipho Ndlovu you know full well that you raped me, like you knew you had raped me minutes after the violation and you went to go clean up in the bathroom while I stared blankly at the tv. I will never forget that moment. Never in my life did I ever imagine that I could get raped. Until that day I had always been ‘free’ with my body and unafraid. Because of you my whole life has changed.

 

Sipho I do not need some court of law to rule and tell me that you forced your dick inside me without my consent…I was there. I have watched you make a mockery of the justice system. You were charged with raping your underage RELATIVE. Sipho I don’t know what kind of a sick society we must live in where people still want to hear your music. Your music and image should be banned from all media platforms. You are not something our young boys should be looking up to. Instead of owning up to this sick crime and reflecting on your journey, you manipulated your way out of a jail term. The amount of arrogance it takes to do what you have done is astounding. But for me the biggest danger is that a sociopath like you is now roaming the streets.

 

I don’t think your niece and I are the only ones you raped. That night you acted with such precision there is no way that that was your first time. I will never be able to explain the amount of strength you had when you pinned me against that wall, nor the sadness in my heart when I realised that you, BrickzmaBrigado was actually doing this. I know that I am not the only woman you violated. I am not the only woman who was scared and kept quiet because I thought no one would believe me. I know this from the bottom of my heart. I know there is a pile of broken souls that you have violated somewhere out in this world.

 

I will never forget how you tried to torment and bully me on twitter when I was defending your niece. I will never forget my rapist. I can never forget my rapist. You have taken so much of my peace and connection to loved ones. May I always be your reminder Sipho. May I always be uncomfortable and painful until you find it in your evil heart to own up to being a rapist. You need psychological help.

 

You’re a dangerous man Sipho. If anything should happen to me, they should look in your direction first. I remember reading articles about you beating up your women. I was raped by you. You are a dangerous man. Which is why I am disgusted at society. I am disgusted at the silence when you are on media platforms. I am disgusted at promoters and venues for putting money before morals and proving to me what a trash society we live in.

 

I can never explain the amount of pain you have inflicted on me. Only another rape survivor will know the amount of pain I am now forced to carry…because you are a man, because you felt you had to control my body.

 

And I apologise to you, for afterwards, when I pretended that you didn’t rape me…I apologise for ignoring it and acting normal. I did you a disservice. Had I addressed it then, you may have not raped your young niece. I could have called out your sickness when I saw it.

 

And even now, you will be protected because it is the cool thing to hate Ntsiki Mazwai…but I want to tell you Sipho, I have not forgotten you…my rapist.

 

*Sidenote for Carnival City, Soweto Theatre and other rapist friendly venues booking Brickz……oh my God, you are causing so much pain……so much pain. When will women’s pain matter? When women say something is ‘triggering’ it means – ‘oh my god you’re taking me right back to the moment of the actual rape- my most tragic memory.’

 

 

One thought on “A letter to my rapist

  1. Good afternoon Ntsiki

    Octavius from here from EyethuFM in Siyabuswa. I’ve just read your article now and it’s Woman’ DAY. Such a painful and sad story you’ve told in this blog.

    I wish you could be my guest on my Saturday Midday Show, The Jam Factor at 12H30 as my show deals with these social ills in the society.

    I think your contribution will help many silent victims.

    I’ll appreciate your warm response with your contacts.

    Kind Regards Octavius Eyethu Radio 0723759378

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