FUCK ABSENT FATHERS

I need to get one thing clear…I am not one of those women who will protect a man’s sins. I am one of those women that will name and shame you.

 

It is often said that to protect our children, we should not show our anger towards their absent fathers. How exactly does this protect them? When all it does is enable this man to continue with his absenteeism?

Unlike all you ‘mature’ people….I believe he should be held accountable for his actions.

Patriarchy is a wonderful thing in that we are all socialised in a way that teaches us to protect men…even when they are wrong. When men behave badly we have been taught to keep quiet, whereas when women do the same, they are followed by a slew of insults.

Children need their mothers….and fathers. Unless a woman chooses to go to a fertility clinic, then she does not deserve a sperm donor.

These sperm donors who don’t father their seeds are a problem. They contribute to our broken family units. They contribute to children’s depression and self worth issues. It is not that you cannot raise a healthy child alone, but every human being is made by a mom and a dad.

Instead we vilify women for having these children as if they had sex with themselves. Not only that but they are then burdened with raising a child alone. Raising a child is no small issue. It is MUCH more than papgeld. Raising your own child is the measure for being an evolved human being, who takes responsibility. Being a real father is the difference between being a man and a boy.

Besides the children whose hearts get broken by this insensitive rejection, the family of that child is most affected. The family has to find answers to questions that cut deep. I for one am shattered when my niece ask,

‘Why doesn’t daddy love me?’

This question does not hurt him…it hurts the people raising the child.

I am also tired of seeing my sibling, suffer in silence while she carries his load. No woman deserves this. No woman deserves to take ALL the responsibility for two people making love. Everybody who was present at conception must be present for the raising.

What kind of society do we live in where men will drop babies that they made? Have you not noticed how Father’s Day has bitterly transformed to a second Mother’s Day? Do men find pride in that? Do men think it is ok for them to cause so much pain and damage emotionally?

I will no longer be silenced by absent fathers. We women are responsible for teaching men how to treat us. If our pain in whispered to avoid humiliating a man, then there is a problem. You can’t fix a problem unless you call it out.

Yes….I have a problem with absent fathers completely disregarding their children, and making them feel like it was their fault that they was born. I’m tired of seeing the grown ups in the situation silently enabling a process which is tearing children apart emotionally. Why should they have to be strong, instead of us looking towards their fathers to MAN UP. There should be no doubt in children’s head that this is bullshit and they deserve better.

And for the record…this is not the mom’s load alone. I speak for every aunt, uncle and grandparent who has had to step in to help raise the child of a man-boy. I was made a parent at 20. I was excited to be an aunt but I never expected that I would have to play daddy.

It is not ok with me when I see a man ignore his child while he pretends to be a family man….it is not ok with me AT ALL.

 

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POWER (lyrics)

POWER

(Lyrics: N. Mazwai; Music: GoldenBeats)

 

You think you got this

But I got my power

 

Coming over here

thinking ukuthi i’m that girl

who really doesn’t mind

about a man of your kind.

O nakgana ke mang?

Kanti wetsa jwang?

It’s blatantly obvious

wena you’re delirious

I don’t wait for you call

Don’t beg for your love

Baba hlala phantsi

lemme handle my own

You think i really need you?

I don’t mean to diss you

but before this present moment

I didn’t even know you

You think you’re a hot shot

I suspect you’re really not

Other fine brothers

are not…bus stops

My heart stops

Heart chokes

When I see a grown man

needing coochie validation

from the younger generation

and it’s not my obligation

to question situations

It’s just my observation

You need help

Is that why

sometimes

it’s hard for you to get it up?

switch it up

stand up

Is that why you can’t stick with one?

Angisakufuni

Ha ke sa obatla

Im so over you

 

You think you got this

But I got my power

 

(I’m on top of my game baby!!!)

Bona baby ngwana

amaOutie ayangithanda

not your average lover

if you leave me

uzokhala

uzozisola

Play me like ibhola?

I’m not ebola

Wena uyadla

U breathe in

I breathe out

I step out

Till you step up!

Bona baby daddy

I aint no skroplap

So stop this

Respect

And show love!

 

Im so over you

 

You think you got this?

But I got my power!

 

letter to the blackgirl….

Dear little sister, I write you this letter because you are a seed of the African community. How a seed is nourished will determine what fruit it bears. The environment is very important for a healthy tree to grow.

 

Blackgirl, your environment is not safe…it is an unhealthy environment to nourish your tree. You live in a world which does not put you on a pedestal. You have no Cinderella and Snow white stories to teach you that you’re a princess. The definition of a princess has been indoctrinated in you as a white girl with long hair.

 

Since you were young, you have been fed Snow white and Barbie as your standard of beauty….IT IS NOT!

We Africans look NOTHING like Europeans. We have our own standards of beauty. We have our own unique way that we were created.

It is a sign of dis-ease when we chase images that do not even resemble us. No amount of weaves or skin bleaching will turn you into a fairytale princess, so maybe it’s time to define what an African princess looks like. Not only define it, but ensure that, that image is all over our newspapers, tvs and magazine covers. Let’s create a more REALISTIC version of the black role model.

 

As things stand, your role models aspire to be white women….what kind of role modelling is that?  Underneath their weaves, your role models are balding. Your role models are hiding shame under those weaves. 1st they tried to hide the shame of having nappy hair, now they hide the shame of having no hair. Can you imagine what is happening to these women self esteems? If you need to put something on your head to feel beautiful- what happens when it’s not on your head?

 

Black sister, how do you feel when you idolise white beauty while they make a mockery of your beauty? You take their features and put them on you and call it beauty. They put on a curly wig, a big nose, draw thick lips and call it a clown. While you hail them, they laugh at you.

Do you see how unhealthy this environment is for your seed? The environment tells you that you are ugly and you feed into it and stop growing.

 

Black girl, the world has made you believe that looks are everything, they are not. External beauty, much like youth, fades with time. It is not something sustainable. If you are using your looks for financial gain…what are you going to do when fresh meat hits the market? These rich men you get taught to aim for, like pretty, young things. When you are no longer a pretty young thing, what are you going to do? Drop some nudes? Thing is, once you have made your hustle about looks, that is all it will ever be about. Once your looks fade, you will have nothing to stand on.

 

Little sister focus all your energy on finding your talents and skills….these will not only last forever but they will sustain you financially. You will not have to lower your dignity by having various ministers of finance. Famous gold diggers never mention the self respect they have had to sacrifice for these ministers. The most empowering thing for any living person, is the ability to make your own money. Nothing beats the feeling of having earned something with your own hard work. (and not lying on your back)

It’s one thing to consciously decide to be a sex worker, and another to be doing the same work while pretending you are not.

Do you have other talents besides using your vagina?

 

My little sister it’s rough out here, you better know your story.

 

Finally lil sister…..there is no need to rush into sex. Sex is a very complex issue and it’s wiser to give yourself time to grow into it. There is a natural reaction which happens in your 30’s where your horny levels will SKY ROCKET…..and by then you will have gained a bit of wisdom about the opposite sex. There is no rush lil sis……sex aint going nowhere and you have hands to masturbate. (the safest sex on earh.)

 

There is no need to suffer when you can get taught which roads to avoid.